Friday, 1 June 2007

William the Playwright

SCENE:[The present. A house in rural Worcestershire. An elderly semi-retired man stares grumpily out of the conservatory window.]
LES:Bloody weather!
JUDE:There's no point going on about it. That rain's in for the day. You won't get in the garden. Do something else - and stop moping, for God's sake.
LES:Like what?
JUDE:Go through your lines, why don't you?
LES:Lines?
JUDE:For the play.
LES:What play? I think you've had too much Pinot Grigio, my dear. I haven't any idea what you're talking about.
JUDE:Oh, Les! "Hearts & Minds". You know. Matt's play. You're playing William, the father of the groom who can't re...
LES:Oh yes, I remember.
JUDE:Come on, give us your opening speech. You know that.
LES:Hmm? [With feigned reluctance.] Oh very well. "For fifteen years this organisation has been steeped in melancholy, jealousy and suspicion, and now suddenly this morning..."
JUDE:Wrong play!
LES:What?
JUDE:That's 'The Apollo of Bellac'.
LES:'The Apollo of Bollock'?
JUDE:You're in two plays. That's the other.
LES:Two plays!! Don't be ridiculous. How would I ever remember the lines?

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